The Lioness and the Black Widow 20

It was my moment in the sun. I was finally able to assert myself at the table. The incident with The Duchess had changed me. It was like I’d been baptized in her blood, cleansed of all weakness, my marriage to Cruelty consummated when I ravaged The Duchess’ headless corpse. Lilith and Alexandria would be mine. My position in the house was secure, as long as I was protected by the Matriarch. This caused me to ask myself, “How long will Lavinia remain in power? 30 years? 20? 10? 2 weeks?” She was the most powerful Matriarch in that hidden and treacherous realm. But Lavinia had made a mistake, and the instant I noticed it, I knew it would be fatal.

I had defied Damijana and Black Sally; working under the assumption Lavinia would protect me from any repercussions. As I wondered if I was safe enough in that assumption to gloat, I realized Lavinia’s miscalculation. Lavinia had changed the structure of the house, making the position of Second-Chair a shared position. Since a Matriarch was most likely to fall victim to the plotting and conspiring of whoever sat Second-Chair, Lavinia believed having two people in that position would enable her to shield herself from many of the inevitable plots and schemes. She hoped the two Second-Chairs would be so busy fighting, hating, fearing and sabotaging each other; they wouldn’t have the time, or energy, to efficiently plan and carry out her assassination. However, her foresight was flawed. Instead of adding to the tension and hostility that existed between Damijana and Black Sally, the shared position did exactly the opposite.

Damijana and Sally were unified by their responsibilities and a common goal, the overthrow of Lavinia. I liked to believe in the myth of Lavinia’s invincibility. Though in my heart, I knew it could be nothing more than a myth seared into the minds of her victims. My concerns were reinforced when I encountered Damijana and Black Sally in the den. When the two women walked in, Damijana took a seat next to me on the sofa. Sally leaned against the wall next to the entranceway; a sure sign something was about to occur that could trigger a flight reaction. If I ran, Sally would be there to block my escape. Lavinia could maim and kill from a distance, using only her mind. Black Sally, on the other hand, killed you face-to-face. I’d seen what she could do with her blade and I wouldn’t stand a chance.

Neither of the Second-Chairs took the same delight in torture and murder as I’d seen displayed by Lavinia and The Duchess. However, Damijana and Sally never shied away from violence when the situation demanded it. When violence was in order, they always made sure the victim suffered through an experience that, if he survived it, he’d never forget.

Damijana turned to me and said, “You chose to defy us Clarence, and that’s after we let you get away with that shit you pulled at the table.”

Struggling to conceal my anxiety and fear, I asked, “Do you want me to go down to the basement?”

“No,” answered Damijana, “not today Clarence. There is something else I want you to do.”

“What?”

“I want you to complete your mission, the one assigned to you by the Furies themselves.”

I’d forgotten about the vision of the Furies, and the task I knew I couldn’t complete. The Furies demanded that I kill Lavinia. But was my vision real? Or had it been planted in my mind by Damijana? After all, it was Damijana who handed me the unloaded gun and ordered me shoot The Duchess. I didn’t get the sense that Damijana expected me to survive that encounter. For all I knew, Lavinia could have planted the vision in my head as a test of my loyalty. When someone else has unrestricted access to your mind, your dreams, your desires, your fears, your subconscious longings; even the most random thought becomes suspect. Nothing that occurs within the confines of your consciousness is to be trusted; a primeval state.

“There’s no way,” I said, “there’s now way I would do it; there’s no way I could do it. You know as well as I do that as soon as the thought of overthrow enters one of our minds, Lavinia is aware of it and taking steps to prevent it.”

Damijana stated, “When someone is aware of your plans, but powerless when it comes to stopping them, that awareness only adds to their suffering.”

“Are we talking about someone who is powerless? Or are we talking about Lavinia?”

“Lavinia may be powerful, but she’s not omnipotent. I don’t know why you don’t listen when I say ‘you don’t know shit.’ You could have used that one tidbit of knowledge as a beacon, to guide you through all the snares and deception. You think this is a matter of love and loyalty, that you could never harm your beloved Lavinia. I assure you that is not the case. When the time comes, Clarence, you will kill her.”

“No, I…”

Damijana interrupted me, “Yes, yes you will. You’ve been moved around like a pawn since you stepped foot in this house. All of your movements, mind-states, experiences and actions have been manipulated and controlled by someone else; different someones at different times. When have you known what was going to happen to you next? You have no idea where you’ll find yourself until you’re neck deep in the shit. You have no control, or influence over your destiny; and you have little, if any, control over your own actions. With no knowledge, no control, no influence whatsoever; how the fuck are you going to sit there and tell me what you will, or won’t, do? At this point Clarence, you’d be more likely to predict the actions of a stranger, than your own.”

“I know that I won’t kill Lavinia.”

“There was a time when you ‘knew’ that you didn’t want to hurt anyone. Now you’re killing and raping Matriarchs, and in exactly that order. Do you realize that you’ve been involved in the deaths of four Matriarchs? Are you beginning to see a pattern here Clarence? Since you seem to be confident in your recently acquired knowledge of self; I want you to look deep within yourself and answer one question for me. What is your role in our secret little world?”

“My role is to serve the Goddess.”

“Really? Then you’re either an executioner or a sacrifice. I know of no other way for a man to serve the Goddess who rules over this house. So, which are you? An executioner, or a sacrifice? You don’t know, do you? Let me ask you this, Clarence. Have you ever taken the initiative to kill someone on your own? No. You’ve always been directed by someone else. Someone else tells you who, when and where to kill. Aside from the victim, you’re usually the last to know. You’ve only killed in service to the Goddess, that’s your role. You will kill and die according to Her Divine Will. You have no more choice in the matter than you have influence over the rotation of the goddamned earth.”

“Is this another one of your tricks? Sending me up another blind alley to get torn apart? How am I supposed to believe in anything; you all put so much time and effort into isolating me from reality.”

“When you say ‘you all’, does that include Lavinia?”

I didn’t answer.

“If you know she’s aware of this conversation. You should know that she’s also aware of your doubt. She knows the danger you pose to her.”

“Then she knows I’d never betray her.”

“You won’t just betray her. You will destroy her.”

“That’s what you want, not what’s destined to be.”

“If I had told you six months ago that you were destined to take part in human sacrifices, cannibalism and the brutal murders of innocent victims…would you have believed me? My announcement wouldn’t have caused you any concern as you would have thought it impossible for you to become involved in those types of things. When did you go from being a slave to circumstance, to master of your own fate? When did that happen Clarence? Was it yesterday when you were certain that Lavinia had abandoned you to be killed and consumed by Medea? Was it later, when Medea ordered you to kill her Matriarch? Or was it when you were fucking The Duchess’ dead body, after you smashed her face into smear on the cement? Why did you kill Medea’s Matriarch? Because Medea told you to. You had no other reason. You didn’t know the woman, you didn’t even want to kill her. Medea told you to do it, and you just did it. And you did it knowing there was a very good chance you’d be tortured and killed soon after. So when I say you’re going to kill Lavinia, it doesn’t matter what you think, say or feel. That’s what’s going to happen, and there is nothing you can do to change the course of events.”

“I can kill myself.”

“You can try. Even if you succeed, Lavinia will raise you. Then she can still die by your hand. She won‘t allow you to keep her from her destiny. ”

“What do you mean? Are you saying that she wants me to kill her?”

“She doesn’t want it, but she knows that it has to be.”

“That’s bullshit. I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to believe me Clarence. You’ll follow the line whether you believe me or not. I don’t need to convince you of anything. You don’t know where your head or your heart is Clarence. All you know is that you’re here. You don’t even understand why you won’t leave. But you must know by now, that it isn’t because you can’t. It’s been easy enough for you this far, learning to just let go and be guided. What’s with the resistance now?”

I jumped to my feet in a panic and tried to rush out the den; feeling light-headed and nauseous. Sally stopped me at the arched entranceway with a gun pointed at my face. She shoved me against the wall, ordered me to open my mouth, then she shoved the barrel of her pistol down my throat until I gagged. She kneed me hard in the balls and forced me down to my knees. Looking down at me, she smiled and said, “That was an interesting talk you had with Lilith. You know, that whole domination versus subjugation thing. Tell me Clarence, since you’ve agreed to be a part of this thing; when I put you on your knees and fuck your face with the barrel of my gun, is that domination or subjugation? She pulled the gun out of my mouth and slammed it into the side of face. I fell on my side. Sally stepped on my head, pinning it to the floor.

Damijana knelt down on one knee in front of my face. She reached into my pants and clenched my balls. She asked, “Are these the cause of all that noise earlier at the table?” She pressed the blade of her dagger against my lips and whispered, “If you can’t learn to keep them quiet. You’ll be coming to the table without them. Now, we told you to allow Lilith to use you for her strengthening exercise. Obviously there was a misunderstanding. Lilith said you wouldn’t let her do what she needed to do. Since you and Lilith are both stupid, I’m willing to overlook the misunderstanding. Sally and I will take you out to the shed. Lilith is waiting for you out there. We’re going to shackle you to the floor and let Lilith strengthen herself on your suffering. After that, I’m going to give you some time to think about your past, present and future in this house. Think about your shortcomings, your mistakes and what you can do to correct them. I’m going to leave you there shackled to floor all night. You’ll be alone with the darkness, the half-eaten human remains and the abominations who’ve been feeding on those remains.”

I blurted out, “No! Please! No!”

“When you’re out there shivering, screaming and crying out in terror, I want you to ask yourself why Lavinia never comes to save you.”